LOVE KO... LOFF NI!!!

I wanna take a little time and review a song that brings love under scrutiny and gives anyone who wants to be sincere, some perspective on the phenomenon called love. Love as we now know it is a foreign import. The way love is practised in Africa has changed greatly. Thanks to the different influences that have "helped" to beat it out or into shape depending on what you define love to be. Even the Oyibos that we burrowed all the love nwantiti from, confess they equally are at a loss as to what love truly is.

Just so you don't bother yourself with trying to see my point, I will explain.

Did you know that some people in the Western world, have ended a marriage of 2 months or less because their partners snored? And they could not take it anymore. Doesn't that make you want to ask if they did not spend nights together before they got married? And even if they did not, isn't the marriage a reason to tolerate the midnight orchestra? And is a snore not too small a reason to pack it in? Do they know what Nigerians tolerate? Snore? Pulliiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzz!

DEAR GOD,...

God Almighty
C/o Jesus Christ
Heaven
Above.

Dear God,

RE: MATTERS ARISING

MINGWE... In capital letters. Ikira for you... Heeyyyy... heyyyy.. Heeyyyy... Hey!!!!

It's me your son, Atuyonta Alleluya Akporobomemerere, I also go by the name Ali Baba. That's my guy name. I have had some matters that have been pressing hard on my heart. So I thought to let you know.

I hope this letter meets you in perfect condition. If so, doxology. I know you are ok, just checking noni. How is everyone in heaven? Jesus, Holy Spirit, Holy Mary, Angel Gabriel, Saints Peter, Paul and Micheal, ehen Ajayi Crowther nko? Shay dada ni everybodi? A dupe.

GUESTS LIST.

No beating around the bush. Straight to the point.

Anyone who grabs hold of a guests list in Nigeria can tell a lot from the list. The class of people, the venue, the food and drinks that would be served there, the kind of circles the host can be found in or wants to be associated with, what kind of party to expect and if the event would be a must attend. Hustlers are always spot on with this type of thing. They will tell you who, what, when, where, why, how and which Of the event. No lele.

Nigerians were not called the happiest people for nothing. We know how to party. And we party hard!!! No matter the occasion, we are ready. Be it a burial or naming. In other words, whether the person is incoming or outgoing... We party. I have even heard of where some guy who was a Deputy Managing Director in a bank, got home to meet his house all done up and redecorated with new furniture and a new coat of paint, just as he returned from depositing the body at the morgue. He was about protesting, but he was cut short by his friends who told him to stop protesting. "Don't say the one that will make God vex for you. Do you know if this is his way of saying 'Its your time to shine?'"

OIL STAND!!!!!!

It was sometime in 1995, that it first hit me that we, as Nigerians, had lost our educational values and expectedly, our future. I had observed it and tried to put it in perspectives, but the more I tried, the clearer it became: THAT WE LOST OR FUTURE FROM THE WORD SCHOOL. I encountered people who at the time were never do wells and had no plans to. Legitimately, that is. They had chosen the path and are going to hell with it.

If you allow me a few paragraphs( ok, truth be told, many paragraphs) you may see my point.

In the beginning, our people were basically farmers. Farmers in what ever way you defined it. We planted. We harvested. Sold the produce. Planted more. Harvested more. Sold more... Then came religion and along side it education. Like a wise writer once said the white men came with a bible in their hand and we had the land. The white men now told us to close our eyes for prayers. When the prayer was over and we had said AMEN!... we opened our eyes, they had the land and we had the bible. This parable goes beyond the exchange of bible and land. It's a matter of lost birthright. It's a matter of lost values and misplaced priorities.

THERE ARE RUNS AND THERE ARE RUUUUUNS

Act One Scene 1

A 4 Bedroom Duplex in Parkview, IKOYI

It's morning and 3 Ladies are in different stages of getting ready for the Sunday morning

KEMI: (Knock Knock) Nkechi!!! Are you still sleeping? Get up jare!

NKECHI: Leave me alone! I want to sleep

KEMI: Get up o! When I was telling you to let us leave the club early last night, you were using your yansh to do krukere on that Aristole's thing at the AUTO LOUNGE. So get up oo

NKECHI: You are just jealous because you were not the one he liked.

KEMI: Me jealous? Of that shapeless round pig? God forbid!