I wanna take a little time and review a song that brings love under scrutiny and gives anyone who wants to be sincere, some perspective on the phenomenon called love. Love as we now know it is a foreign import. The way love is practised in Africa has changed greatly. Thanks to the different influences that have "helped" to beat it out or into shape depending on what you define love to be. Even the Oyibos that we burrowed all the love nwantiti from, confess they equally are at a loss as to what love truly is.
Just so you don't bother yourself with trying to see my point, I will explain.
Did you know that some people in the Western world, have ended a marriage of 2 months or less because their partners snored? And they could not take it anymore. Doesn't that make you want to ask if they did not spend nights together before they got married? And even if they did not, isn't the marriage a reason to tolerate the midnight orchestra? And is a snore not too small a reason to pack it in? Do they know what Nigerians tolerate? Snore? Pulliiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzz!
I can just imagine the case coming up in a court. Let's say the Judge instructs the clerk to call the next case and it is the case of Adekoya vs Adekoya. The wife is seeking divorce on no other grounds but that the husband snores. If its Justice Vivor, I bet he will smile, lean back and ask the wife seeking that the marriage be set aside...
JUSTICE VIVOR: "Seriously? You are in my court to ask for your marriage to be dissolved because your husband snores?"
WIFE: "Yes my Lord."
JUSTICE VIVOR: "Are you ok?"
WIFE'S COUNSEL: "Me Lord, my client has suffered so many sleepless nights...?"
JUSTICE VIVOR: "This case has been thrown out for gross waste of time. Next matter!"
How on earth do some people come up with the crazy reasons we are hearing as cause for filling for divorce? Sometime back, a lady, who had been married for only 6 months, moved out of her matrimonial home because one of her husband's ex girlfriends called to ask how he was doing. He did not know she had moved to the UK(who knows, maybe to cool of and let the marriage thing blow over)so he picked the call, found out who it was and exchanged greetings. How is your wife? How is marriage? Work? Friends? Trying to be polite, he said he was fine and that he appreciated the call. And for him, it was an unexpected call since she was the semi finalist. Soon as he hung up, wifey asked who it was and he told her. She got up from his lap and went upstairs. All his explanations came to nought. 2 days later, she moved out.
Guess what? They both have moved on. If our parents moved out like that would some of us have been born? Our parents and even friends these days, have issues that are greater that what some of us count as irreconcilable differences.
Let me further shock you, an AUNTY told a niece not to take any crap from any man. Don't let them use you as foot mat. Stand your ground. Speak up. Don't be intimidated. And she did just that. Spoke up. Stood her ground. Was bold and did not take crap. She moved out of her 1 year old marriage. And moved on. The guy begged for 1 year and moved on. Guy now has 3 kids with his new wife. THIS IS NOT TO SAY LADIES SHOULD TAKE CRAP BUT WHEN THE REASON FOR BREAKING IT UP IS SOMETHING LIKE "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DROP THE TOILET SEAT"... there is a problem.
I was shocked the other day that a man said he was no longer interested in a marriage because his wife insulted his elder sister. Much as I find that unacceptable, it is not enough grounds to say, shikena! I have seen wives who got into a physical fights with their sisters in law and the wive thoroughly beat and nearly drained the blood that bound the husbands to their sisters out of their body. Heavens did not fall. But it nearly did. But it didn't.
So before I move on with the matter at hand, let me share the lyrics of Foreigner's song with you.
Foreigner I Want To Know What Love Is Lyrics
Songwriters: PARKS, ALEX / TZUKE, JUDIE / KEARNS, GRAHAM PATRICK
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Aaaah woah-ah-aah
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me
Let's talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I'm feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah
What is the role of love in all of the things going on in our relationships these days? Why has love not been able to hold marriages together anymore? Why are people falling in love but many can't even feel the love they so desire?
Guess what? LOVE WAS NOT THE ANSWER. We all got fooled. I have talked with so many people, people who have been married for much longer than I have been alive. And they have been kind enough to share with me that it's the combination of a lot of things that make up love. That back then they liked a person and gradually they found out that all the things the person did for them was because
"That back then they liked a person and gradually they found out that all the things the person did for them was because....."
ReplyDeleteWAS BECAUSE OF WHAT NOW.... AH! Oga mi so I read this entire post only to reach the koko and find out that the koko is incomplete?lol
I'll return in a couple of hours to check...
Bros Migwor,
ReplyDeleteThe main crux of the matter no de oh! Abeg try post am make we read. Thank You.
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ReplyDeleteThe Almighty Alibaba himself. Baba this write up make sense die. The truth is that we Africans and Nigerians are carried away by the lies the whites tells in their films so that we are influenced so much by their way of life and have deviated from our own cultures, traditions and beliefs.
ReplyDeleteLove is not just Romance, sex, kisses and so on, Love comes with a great responsibility and that is Loving your spouse even when they are unlovable. stay committed even when the going is tough, our parents were like that.
more so, differences (that is character, sense of reasoning, way of eating or walking e.t.c) in relationship has to be celebrated. we were not born and brought up the same way.we came to love each other from different backgrounds, this is what we young people must take cognizance of.
Love does not and will not come always, the better we know the better for us.
Thanks Alibaba, i see you o. abeg follow me back on twitter @doublesaint.
Migwo sir,abeg compete the koko na...cuz I still dey hang from the end of that line
ReplyDeleteSir, pulees complete the story. We are feeling it
ReplyDeleteBecause.....
ReplyDeleteLovely write up, I guess there's a concluding part to dis so I'll wait for that before I make or draw any conclusions.
ReplyDeleteBecause...Oga abeg complete am na..
ReplyDeleteI think the "because" is open eñded oga ali did it like that so we would all ask questions, oya we dey ask, oya bros pls come and finish it.
ReplyDeleteI think its open. Find your own happy ending. Ask couples who have been married long enough, I'm sure their secrets may not be different from what oga found out. If we make the effort and take the time to find out for ourselves, we might learn a thing or two!
ReplyDeleteMy oga, abeg finish this ur because some ppl depend on dis. Life Lessons Learnt
ReplyDeletehmm..wow
ReplyDeletelazioman.blogspot.com
oh dear i was just getting into it.....pls complete it
ReplyDeleteIt does take a little more than "love" to make LOVE work! I used to say that and leave a lot of people confused.....The write-up is so true. As a relationship coach I've come to find in my experience that a lot of people are more in love with the concept of love and because we are impatient generation many think the idea should materialize like a miracle with no work on their part ..... *sigh*
ReplyDeleteBeing in love is grt but it doz take a lot of hard work!Unfortunately,we're buyn into the West's twisted idea of marraige."If its not workn I'll just move on" Ppl assume dat love is a panacea to all deir woes but truth is its not.it just helps U cope & accept ppl as they r.what most ppl refer 2 as love nowadays is simply infatuation.infatuation mks u bliv ur partnr is perfect & wen dat giddy feeln passes U can't stand each oda!But Love tells U 'he's not but I'm ok wt dat'.Sure der r days u guys wld fight but love reminds U dat ur relationship is worth fighting for Cos wen we stop Loving we lose the essense of our humanity.
ReplyDeleteYou are killing people oooo. You got us hooked on the drugs from th book of Ali and then you are withholding its is not fair oooo. Next dose please!
ReplyDeletehahaha dis has got me in stitches, please when are you updating nah.
ReplyDeleteNawa o, so much of seeing paradise and not entering.
ReplyDeleteLove is often misinterpreted. Youths of dez days see love as , beauty, money, fame, n what have U. But love is way beyond all that. Love is God. Christ didn't see glomour in d world bf He came t die, rather He died t bring back glamour n glory t d world. That's what we fail t see when we profess Love. That is Y smeone will walk out of his/her marriage f such flimsy reasons. Love grows, love gets better, love covers a multitude of sin. Baba, God will help our generation. The gospel of love can't b exhuasted
ReplyDelete