SHEPOCRITE

SHEPOCRITE

The Holy Book says let your NO be NO and your YES, YES. It is the bid to modify the NOs and the YESes that we end up complicating matters. Then NO becomes that annoying “maybe not” and YES takes on the character of “well maybe”. In this mode, no matter who you are, you are in the lying zone.

Just so I don’t lose you… I will explain what I am rambling about. If you have related, or even observed from a distance, some of the ladies of our time, they are in the habit of saying one thing and meaning another. They may not even say it but expect you to figure out what they did not say. As if men have become mind readers overnight! One of such annoying thing is when you as a gentleman, if you ask me it is still a very tough thing to be in the current clime, ask a lady “if” she wants a drink and she says no but would want a sip from your Chapman. Mbanu! You said no, abi? What suddenly led to your change of mind?

What? Why? How?

Why do ladies not inform us when they changed their minds? Especially, when the impression given, the last time we checked, is still sitting pretty in our heads. How do we now marry the last impression with this new position? These position swings, which are related to mood swings, are even more common amongst the women and their kind, than with the opposite sex.

Take for instance, Bukky is a jeweler, you know now, that Dubai kind of jeweler that goes to the UAE, buys at X and sells at XXXX. So on one of those trips, she runs into a Nigerian guy, who has done well in Dubai and cruised around in an Infiniti QX 56. She fell in love with the guy and the jeep. Or maybe in love with the jeep (any SUV is jeep in Nigeria take it or leave it) and then the guy… she sha fell in love… en o!  Oh!

Upon return, Bukky bombarded her friend Kemi with the romantic stories of how she fallen in love with this guy in Dubai and a jeep, called Infiniti QX 56. It had style, class, strength, comfort, functionality and presence. It was hard to tell whether she was describing the guy or the Infiniti. Kemi hissed. What kind of useless jeep is that? Its people who want to show off that drive it. The thing is even shapeless, too big and has no feminine qualities. Kemi even swore if a man toasting her owns one, he should forget it. Being a trusted friend, Bukky opted for the more “feminine” FX 45.

Two months later, guess who was driving QX 56 with special number plate “KEMI”? Upon all the bad mouth you had for this car? How can you?  You even got a personalized plate. Em… You know… blah blah blah.

The second story is of ladies who yab other ladies’ boyfriends. I can never go out with a married man… I will never be seen with a younger boyfriend... Date someone over 60? Lai lai! What about ladies who deny a guy when a friend asks if she is dating him. Me? That fake guy? Am I mad? He is not in my class… He cannot speak good English… Unknown to them the lady is asking because the guy had asked her out and she had said no, believing that he already was dating her friend or someone she knows. Now that she had denied and even swore. If our “askor” lady goes ahead to date the fake guy, you will not hear the end of the boyfriend snatching.

Could it be a case of counting your eggs before they are hatched?

Ordinarily, the word hypocrisy has no gender affiliations but if you have followed my ramblings so far, you would agree by now that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. So, if there is a he-goat, there must be a she-goat.

Do you know a Shepocrite?