LOVE KO... LOFF NI!!!

I wanna take a little time and review a song that brings love under scrutiny and gives anyone who wants to be sincere, some perspective on the phenomenon called love. Love as we now know it is a foreign import. The way love is practised in Africa has changed greatly. Thanks to the different influences that have "helped" to beat it out or into shape depending on what you define love to be. Even the Oyibos that we burrowed all the love nwantiti from, confess they equally are at a loss as to what love truly is.

Just so you don't bother yourself with trying to see my point, I will explain.

Did you know that some people in the Western world, have ended a marriage of 2 months or less because their partners snored? And they could not take it anymore. Doesn't that make you want to ask if they did not spend nights together before they got married? And even if they did not, isn't the marriage a reason to tolerate the midnight orchestra? And is a snore not too small a reason to pack it in? Do they know what Nigerians tolerate? Snore? Pulliiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzz!

DEAR GOD,...

God Almighty
C/o Jesus Christ
Heaven
Above.

Dear God,

RE: MATTERS ARISING

MINGWE... In capital letters. Ikira for you... Heeyyyy... heyyyy.. Heeyyyy... Hey!!!!

It's me your son, Atuyonta Alleluya Akporobomemerere, I also go by the name Ali Baba. That's my guy name. I have had some matters that have been pressing hard on my heart. So I thought to let you know.

I hope this letter meets you in perfect condition. If so, doxology. I know you are ok, just checking noni. How is everyone in heaven? Jesus, Holy Spirit, Holy Mary, Angel Gabriel, Saints Peter, Paul and Micheal, ehen Ajayi Crowther nko? Shay dada ni everybodi? A dupe.

GUESTS LIST.

No beating around the bush. Straight to the point.

Anyone who grabs hold of a guests list in Nigeria can tell a lot from the list. The class of people, the venue, the food and drinks that would be served there, the kind of circles the host can be found in or wants to be associated with, what kind of party to expect and if the event would be a must attend. Hustlers are always spot on with this type of thing. They will tell you who, what, when, where, why, how and which Of the event. No lele.

Nigerians were not called the happiest people for nothing. We know how to party. And we party hard!!! No matter the occasion, we are ready. Be it a burial or naming. In other words, whether the person is incoming or outgoing... We party. I have even heard of where some guy who was a Deputy Managing Director in a bank, got home to meet his house all done up and redecorated with new furniture and a new coat of paint, just as he returned from depositing the body at the morgue. He was about protesting, but he was cut short by his friends who told him to stop protesting. "Don't say the one that will make God vex for you. Do you know if this is his way of saying 'Its your time to shine?'"

OIL STAND!!!!!!

It was sometime in 1995, that it first hit me that we, as Nigerians, had lost our educational values and expectedly, our future. I had observed it and tried to put it in perspectives, but the more I tried, the clearer it became: THAT WE LOST OR FUTURE FROM THE WORD SCHOOL. I encountered people who at the time were never do wells and had no plans to. Legitimately, that is. They had chosen the path and are going to hell with it.

If you allow me a few paragraphs( ok, truth be told, many paragraphs) you may see my point.

In the beginning, our people were basically farmers. Farmers in what ever way you defined it. We planted. We harvested. Sold the produce. Planted more. Harvested more. Sold more... Then came religion and along side it education. Like a wise writer once said the white men came with a bible in their hand and we had the land. The white men now told us to close our eyes for prayers. When the prayer was over and we had said AMEN!... we opened our eyes, they had the land and we had the bible. This parable goes beyond the exchange of bible and land. It's a matter of lost birthright. It's a matter of lost values and misplaced priorities.

THERE ARE RUNS AND THERE ARE RUUUUUNS

Act One Scene 1

A 4 Bedroom Duplex in Parkview, IKOYI

It's morning and 3 Ladies are in different stages of getting ready for the Sunday morning

KEMI: (Knock Knock) Nkechi!!! Are you still sleeping? Get up jare!

NKECHI: Leave me alone! I want to sleep

KEMI: Get up o! When I was telling you to let us leave the club early last night, you were using your yansh to do krukere on that Aristole's thing at the AUTO LOUNGE. So get up oo

NKECHI: You are just jealous because you were not the one he liked.

KEMI: Me jealous? Of that shapeless round pig? God forbid!

HAND SIGNALS (part 1/2)

Ever wondered why hand made items attract more in the area of cost than machine fabricated products? Have you? You haven't. Sorry. I have. And its not just the price that makes such hand made products so expensive. Amongst many other things, it's because of the personal touch, the time put in and painstaking effort that went into making whatever the product is. Besides cost, method and process of production, the bragging rights of a hand made product is pairless.

The whole world was made by the Holy hands of Almighty God. As reported in the story of creation. And even an atheist will say what a beautiful world we have. Even if he disagrees on the author. Nevertheless, the Hand of God, that made this world is different from that hand of god Maradona scored with during that WORLD CUP back then. That was the hand of fraud... Maybe, just maybe, he actually, said hand of fraud. You know Maradona's English Language is suspect. And the journalists reported it like it sounded. And when he heard it reported as the hand of God, the akamu just lapped it up. Who won't? Especially to someone like him.

OF NAILS AND CARPENTERS

In the New Testament, the books by the disciples chronicled the life, teachings and death of Jesus Christ. It is this death, that forms the basis of the faith that is called Chriatianity today. If Jesus Christ did not die on the cross we all would have been in serious gbege! Fortunately for us and may be unfortunately for him (going by him asking God if this cup could pass over him and God said NO (does that qualify as isho?), that sinless blood of the Lamb Of God that taketh away the sins: the sins of the world ... came to our rescue and today to all who believe in him... There is salvation. The birth of Jesus was written from heaven but it's in his death that our names are written in the book of life in heaven.

How he died is no more news. Those movie buffs who have never, in their lives, read the bible, can give a blow by blow account of Jesus' death thanks to the many movies and stage plays of the crucifixion of Christ. One of such movies, that takes the cake in the different interpretation of the crucifixion is THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. Many guys who carry on like they can never be moved to tears, wept like babies when they went to see the movie. Surprisingly, and for good reason, during the movie, a lot more guys found reasons to relate with the pains Jesus Christ went through. The false accusations, the betrayal, the humiliation, being called names, the crucifixion, the nails and the eventual death on the cross.

MORAL VALUES

I need 2 share something that has been bothering me 4 a while.

Its about dying values in our society & how it will continue to get worse if we keep up this attitude of "let's just leave the exhibitors of the lack of such values". I havent been a fan of profanity & vulgarity. That is not to say I cant be very fluent in them. I chose not to. Respect and mutual decorum on any platform is key. I would not step into your space to insult you. I might tolerate some subs and laugh it off. That's about it. Especially when I did not call for it. When I step out of bounds, then I will quietly chop my sub and move on.

Sometime ago when I saw that Howard Webb, the Manchester United Referee was handling the Madrid & Bayern match, I tweeted that I thought he only officiated in Red Devil matches. Several retweet & comments after, one smart guy retweeted with a hashtag "#dumbtweet". Dumbtweet?... Ok. So I returned the favour & said I expected him to know a dumb tweet since he was born to a dumb father. Needless to say that I blocked the bombastic element from my timeline!

PELLO NINE-JAY-REEANS

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Pello Nine-Jay-reeans,

This morning, THE JOINT MILITARY RESTORATION COUNCIL took oba the government up zee qwan three .

Ze situation in ze qwan three eye gwuatting out up Quantrol

Quan-see-queently we harp day-sided to take oba to aboyeed any prada dexteriorashan.

We qwan not jazz sit their and wash our qwan-three see-carter beepor our highs.

We harp upsaaabed with care-pull seriousness how the wealth of zee nashan have been stolen korokoro without anything dan.

We harp seen fee full who had no frofer ezuqwashan harp taken oba zee management up ou resources and teeep all zee money.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO HMMM

The SOUND OF MUSIC is to me and I am very sure a good number of many others, One of the all time greats. Evergreen and filled with lessons in love, relationships, education, moral values, effectiveness of music, talent, consolation, pain and the list goes on. One thing the movie also did for me was open my eyes to the fact that children who live behind high fences built by their parents or Gaurdians, are dying to get out. Which is why once such kids get a window of freedom... They can be very baaaaaaaaaaaad. Haven been denied those favourite things they craved for so long.

As a lover of music, the other thing that endeared me to the movie is the song My Favourite Things. The lyrics, though different from what my ordinary list will ever be by a stretch of the 3RD MAINLAND bridge, allowed me to put the things that made me feel good in perspective. The closest the lyrics came to my list was "Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes"... Close but not close enough. If the lyrics had said (sing it like you would 'girls in white...) " Full figured ladies in silk rustling dresses" aha! Oleku... Tell me something WEY I no fit do...

TATAFOS

A lot of Nigerians read. These lot that read can be be broken into several sub groups. There are those who read and understand what they read. Another sub group exits who read and did not quite understand what they read. Interestingly, there are also those who read some parts jumped some parts and left the rest but still would argue they read the whole thing and thus claim to be in the know as someone who read all, understood all and in that full understanding that leads to comprehension makes an informed statement. There are also the deadly type. I call them the headliners. You often see these headliners at newspaper sales' points, straining their necks over shoulders of people like them who got there first. All they want to read is the headlines. That would do. Always does. They then begin to add flesh to the headlines as they go through the day and add on whatever related news filters from the electronic media or other headliners like themselves.

Expectedly, naturally so, there are those who don't read. I said don't, not can't. Because some people can read, but they just don't read. Ok? Now these "don't" read group will wait for what the people who read tell them. Whatever is told those who can't read is then processed (some dont even process it, they just hit a retweet or just copy paste and rebroadcast) in their own thought factory, whatever their state of mind is. The refurbised rubbish is then retailed and retold to those who have no access to people who read like them aka "reliable source".

SLIPPERS GET SIZE

Trust u are good.

Pls spare me some time. Just a few things bothering me. If u finish reading and it makes no sense... Please delete or just ignore.


A lot of guys in my generation (40-60+) are messing up the perception of life, moral and cutural values of these young ladies (19-30). They have used their affluence and generosity which they shower on the girls to get between their legs to totally confuse them on what love and essence of life is all about. These girls are now so mixed and messed up, they don't relate well with females their mate who don't lead their kind of life. A young girl who drives a Range Rover Sport, courtesy an Aristole, now thinks she is better than a girl who still takes taxis or manages a Kia Rio. And whistles Wizkid's "My money and your money.. No be mate" anytime they go past each other. True. Your body and her body no DEY the same grade too. Or you forget that wear and tear shows with age?

FIRST CLASS OR ECONOMY

I will never forget the look Gamaliel Onosode gave me when I greeted him as I sat in the first class of an ADC flight in the mid 90s. He gave me that look of "seriously?", shook his head and walked to his seat which was way back inside the economy sitting section of the plane. Not even a careless VRENDO to my respectfully presented "MINGWE". Migwe, mingwo, degwo, mehigwe... Are all variations of greetings accorded elders in URHOBO land. I even know some non URHOBOs that demand it as a way of clearing the air of who is older. If you don't believe me, any day any Warri boy, who is of the URHOBO extraction meets DEDE MABIAKU, who is a Warri boy of the ITSEKIRI lineage, I dare you to greet him good afternoon bros. Trust me, the Core i7 konk will bring you to the vernacular path quickly.

On arrival in Abuja, I waited to see Gamaliel Onosede, for further breakdown of that look. I was afraid I might have done a wrong that he got wind of. I geared up for it and submitted another MIIIIIIIINGWE OSE (Father). I dragged the mingwe for full effect. Still no VRENDO. He just smiled and said something to the effect that he did not know that my money was so much now that I now flew first class. And added that some of the "poor" people who sat in economy could actually afford to charter the plane to Abuja and back and that just because "rich" people like me sat in first class did not mean we (us the "rich") are better off.

MATTHEW 4:1-11

MATTHEW 4
1. No be small thing o! Jesus just DEY him own jeje na so Devil come and come and carry him travel go where he set exam for am

2. Bros Jay sef no DEY try... How him no go lem 40 days and 40 nights? He must H na!

3. The hunger hold Jesus for spine so tey, one bad mind come dey test am, say "EHEN, no be you say God na your peele? OYA convert this granite to Agege bread make I see."

4. Jesus na bad guy o! No do no do Jesus turn the thing to rough. Con ans Devil... "You no go school. You no read where, them talk say "Make guys no they wack bread alone? Say unless only the yarns from Baba Gorde mouth?" ...but wait o! you sure say Jesus true true DEY hung? Because Agege bread no be bad idea o!

QUESTIONAIRE

Omanwumi, besides being a Warri Pickin and an artiste, is my sister, twelve times removed. Her talent did not come to light with the Nigerian Idol and end there. It continued to shine in the hot hit after hits she released since that reality show. One of those songs that got me loving her more is the "IF YOU ASK ME" song. It's not just a well produced song with a sweet melody and hook, it is loaded with messages. Message of misplaced sexuality, incest as a consequence of confused fatherhood and societal rot.

The matter touched a nerve. I bet that was why she penned those lyrics. And each line of that song was on point. But nothing made more sense than the question that begged the question. IF YOU ANS ME NA WHO I GO ANS? (ok, before you say it's wrong, in Warri, ask is ans. Because when we ANS you something, you then ANS-WER!) When a question confronting you is beyond your capacity to answer, it's best to say "If you ans meeeeeeeee na who I go ans?

TAXABLE ADULTS

Rain tax, is inevitable. So said Celine Dion in one of her many hit songs. Even Jesus Christ gave a distinct directive that taxes to Caesar must be paid to Caesar. Caesar, aka BRF, aka, LAGOS INLAND REVENUE SERVICE. That is what is used to run the the day to government affairs. These taxes are collected from the nooks and crannies of the state. Even if you are passing through the state, there is something that will come up to get you to pay your Radio, tv, party, hawking, Kabul kabuing, posters, tolls, anything... TAX. The penalties of default are grave. That you are getting away with it and not paying your tax is just for the time being. Watch your back. BRF eye they red.

And as for God's own tax, that goes to God. God's tax, in the context we were made to understand, is the 10% of anything everyone earns. That tax is called tithe. Its has not changed since time immemorial. Even though I was tempted to ask for a reduced tithe during the recession when all the hundreds of millions in the stock exchange vaporised. Say like 5% tithe till things looked up. But my pastor said tight situations are the most appropriate time to pay the tithe. And that this was to be paid through God's men on earth. This applies to all christians whether they are adults of taxable age or not. Pay it. Or like Pastor Ashimolowo said on TV, if you don't pay it, God will collect it somehow that-how anyhow. Whether the men of God or Men from God decide to buy a private jet does not stop from you from doing you part. Just do it.

WHO DEY SELL?

MKO ABIOLA, whether UNILAG students like it or not, will be remembered for many reasons than the name change of the school to MAULAG, MAUNILAG OR MAU! One of such reason is the fact that he was a man known for his deep proverbs that are not only conveyed in humorous ways but have weighty messages attached. Please note, this is not saying that the proverbs were created by the great philantropist. NO. He used them more frequently and popularised them in a sense. It would be a futile to try and list them. They were too numerous to mention. I even understand that some Nigerians have gone on to immortalise these proverbs in a chronicle of his words of gold. And that is exactly how I would have rated them. GOLDEN WORDS.

However, for this piece, I would be making use of the sense in a few of his proverbs that tie in all my scattered thoughts including that which this write up is about.

FATHERS' DAY: LESSONS FROM MY DAD

Who is my Dad? My father is Chief (DR) Akpophiowhobo Alfred Akporobomemerere. An officer and gentleman, retired from the Nigerian Army Education Corps. He was born into the Royal Family of Agbarha-Otor, in Ughelli, Delta State. He was an only child of his Mum and his father who was also an only child, died at an early age of 5. His grandfather the king at the time, was deported to Calabar for human trafficking then. Expectedly, with no help as a young man, he took it upon himself to get education as a sure way of reaching that point in life he desired. That journey led him through working as rubber tapper, farmer and a commodity (palm nuts and rubber)trader. He was later to reevaluate his strength, capacity and his goal in life. Leading him to take his studies more seriously. Thus, he became a teacher and had a part time "chemist"(drug store) business that supplemented the family.

After a teacher training certificate he became a school headmaster, vice principal and later on principal. He was to transfer his service to the the Nigerian Army in the mid 70s. During his days in the army, he acquired a degree from UNILAG... Thank God! And his education was funded partly by the army and his salary. He again transferred his service to the Federal ministry of Labour, Employment and Productivity back then and move back to Warri in 1981.

OVER SABI... EXTREME EXTROVERTS?

Some people in this Nigeria are professionals at swallowing Panadol for other people's headaches SHA! Good God! They not only cry more than the bereaved, thesedays they now offer themselves in place of the departed. I wish they could experience an out of body moment and see how they look. I usually just let them be, but looks like that is why we are now having more and more of them. I have decided they will be hearing from me anytime they cross my path.

During the Obasanjo regime, I was MC at an event where the First Lady, Late Mrs Stella Obasanjo, was hosting wives of ECOWAS heads of government, to a dinner. It so happened that the podium I was working from was unusually high, even for me. So when it was time for the First Lady's speech I met her half way towards the podium and told her to speak from the high table. She whispered a word of gratitude and did like I suggested. Months later at another event at the Banquet Hall of the Presidential Villa, Obasanjo called me and asked that he heard I went to an event and said That the First Lady was short. Before I could defend myself, Baba interrupted and asked if I knew why he married Stella... No sir, I said. Well I married her because during the war, we had to carry our wives and run. So I married somebody who I could carry.

WAFFI THINGS 2

I called a shildhood friend, (not the presenter on SuperSport another shildhood friend) who lives in Warri to ask after a common friend of ours, Osogono, and asked "if he dey the ground?" (if he was in town).

Shildhood Friend: Shuo! You no aware? (You mean u didn't hear?)

Me: Wetin? Wetin? Osogono don late? (Did he die?)

Shildhood Friend: Abeg clear! Na so person dey quick die? Na fawol?

ME: Oya no vex. Detail me the gist?

Shildhood Friend: Not to hin. (As I was saying) No be Sogogbish (Osogono's guy name... Ok, his nickname) dey do first to die with one kpomushele for Bendel Estate...

GIFTED NATION

A careful look at ourselves will show you how gifted we are in this country. We are so gifted, when presented with a gift we retaliate with a gift. Just so the account is balanced or like they say in local parlance "1-1 goalless draw". Otherwise, you will then owe the person who gave you the gift and that could be dangerous. Because, people who we owe favours do not quantify the favour they gave when they call on such favours. You will find a man that gave you a lift from your office on a rainy day when your car would not start, 10 years ago, call on that favour by asking for a loan of N10 million! As as how?!!!. Kila gbe, kile ju?... Meaning, one good turn deserves another... Not a head on a platter of gold!

Recently, a guy who gave me A BUS TICKET when I forgot mine in the hostel, to ride from Emuado to the main Campus of Bendel State University, Ekpoma, in 1988, called in for his favour and guess what he wanted? A N1MILLION LOAN. He even brought the ticket issue up while he was trying to refresh my memory. To him, the times he slept in my room, back then on the main campus, during exams and when he had an early test or lecture the next day did not even us out. It got me thinking... How much is a single bus ticket as a gift+interest?

KNOWING ME

1.What make is/are your phone/s? SAMSUNG GALAXY NOTE, IPHONE 4S & NOKIA e90

2.Your height? 6 on the DOT

3.Your Mother? MUMMY Salome, Housewife/ Farmer!

4.Your Father? Retired Army officer, presently the OTOTA R'OVIE of Agbarha Otor.

5.Your favourite food? DODO & BEANS

6.Your dream last night? WAS ASKING FEMI OTEDOLA WHY HE USED TO DASH ME $2000 WHEN HE COULD DO MORE

UNDYING LOVE

An Igbo man, (different from an Ibo man) was toasting the living daylight out of a very pretty girl, who from her body language, would rather she were caught with a mad man, than the man pestering her life now. But if she thought Mr NNA was going to give up by such useless body language, she was in for a shocker.

Mr toaster threw every line he had learnt from his days about town. No luck. Then it hit him. This is not a love “uwantiti” type of gal. This is one of those “iji ego” cabal. Ngwanu, lets go there!

“Ok. Babe.” He tried with the deepest Nnewi accent he could muster. “Look hia… If you say yes… anything you want I willi give you.”

“You are kidding me.” Feigned the lady, in a voice filled with fake surprise.

MY TEN CENTS ON TIGHTS

Certain things are not meant for every one. If you look like LUTHER VANDROSS of blessed memory, then 100 meters is not your thing. Whether it makes you feel good or "I just like it" holds no water. And if you are a plus size lady, for want of a better example lets say Monique, the award winning American comedienne, what are you thinking buying a form for the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN NIGERIA? Maka-why?!!! Next thing, a guy looking like RICK ROSS will want to be MR NIGERIA. I know you are already thinking, why are all the examples foreigners? Because we are too much of a sensitive people in Nigeria. We hold on to issues like a tug-of-war. If I mention a Nigerian name now, some tatafos will quickly "cc" them, and sit back to watch the quarrel unfold. Like they do on Twitter. NAAAA. I am playing safe.

Now still on the matter. What is not for you is not for you. Don't push it. Don't force it. Period.

SEEN A BLACK CAT LATELY?

How superstitious are you? Don’t you just marvel at the logic behind some of these crazy thoughts? Some of them range from the amusing through the absurd and down right insane! They are so many but I have tried to mention as many as I can here just so you can see how crazy some people get. You will not believe the number of people who believe them too. Learned people, Leaders of thought ( makes you want to reconsider their other thoughts) scientists and academicians. People who should know.

The other day my daughter had a feat of hiccups and the pediatrician picked a thread and put it on her hair. If it were not that she had been highly recommended that would have been it. But even the recommendation is under investigation even now.

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY

Thanks for finding time to visit my blog. I can not thank you enough for finding time to visit it. I appreciate. As with new stuff, I am getting used to managing the page.

As you would have seen, the postings have no paragraphs and it's all joined together. That was not how they were written. I actually wrote them in a notepad on my iPad, corrected thm as much as I could manage and posted. Only to see that HTML or whatever would not render original stuff as posted.

To that effect, I will now contact that short guy called ABINIBI, that handles Internet related stuff for me to come look at it. I promise that would be sorted in the next 48hours.

I hope I don't make demands on your time too often by getting you to pop in here. Because i do intend to keep posting all those my scattered thoughts, as often as i can gather them together now and then. Please do bear with me.

Don't know why I am typing with all these paragraph SEF... The HTML will still do what ever pleases it anyway.

Once again, thank you... Oooooooosheee

ONCE UPON A BAG

Watching people is my favourite hobby. Im not a peeping Tom by the usual understanding, but if you give me some thing to look at, in few minutes I can tell you a whole lot about what I have seen. I see beyond the object I see. Some people are very bad at judging people. Some use other people to judge who you are. “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are?” my foot!

I was told by one lady that you can tell the character of a man from his shoes. Ok. I agree. The other day, at one event, one lady slumped and in the process tipped over the table she was sitting at. One of the men, who was putting on this beautiful black Gucci shoes, jumped up and asked an usher to quickly find him another table. Another man who was at another table jumped up and gave her CPR. He was wearing sandals! Character ko… karakita ni.

HAIR SQUEEZE ME!!!!

Many times as a kid, I can clearly remember, the extent to which my sisters went to get their hair done. These were the days of using rubber thread to plait hair, glatt perming, gel, ( What's that one that the Christ Embassy guy uses again)


There used to be a Ghanaian who came around with different shapes and sizes of iron combs to heat their native hairs into submission. There were times when all did not go as planned and the comb will catch my sisters' skins and they will scream abuses at the stylist, which was what the Ghanaians preferred to be called, but after all that shout, they would sit through the barbecue still. Thank God for relaxers. Maybe it's the ordeal of that hot comb that made my sisters carry their hair for so long till they had under growth. Now, the undergrowth was not a problem. What used to annoy me was that slapping and scratching of the hair. I was not too comfortable with it because it may be lice for all I know.

THE 5Bs

In those days when, when I was single and free, (yes, free).. I  thought I was the best thing in life... and you know wwhat they say "the best thing in life are free" ? I learnt from life that it was easy to love and be loved when you define the things that made you happy. Roughly put, things that make you go hmmmmm. I defined mine, from age 17 and I never deviated from it. Ok I lied. I deviated, but was later to be further convinced that the path I had chosen suited me.

In short, I had the capacity to walk that chosen part... Blah blah blah Seriously, as a young man, I knew what tripped me about a babe. These things and a few more that I looked out for, became the mission criteria which then became THE 5 Bs. She either had those things or showed potential to have them or no deal. They were simple things but they mattered. These days, a lot of guys don't even have a spec. Any babe goes. If you wore a mop a dress some guys I know will chase it!

WAFFI THINGS

I had published this piece long ago on my Facebook page. Just sharing with you....

My name is Ali Baba... I yam hey Waffarian.

I was talking with some guys in Warri this weekend. And the Boko Haram matter came up. We talked and argued on this issue for a while.

Then, Jolomi, asked us to hear him out. I was laughing all through his contribution. Maybe, I shouldn't have.

"Make I year wodu! Boko. BoKo. Dem be willi willi? If dem see person bless dem with koboko then go VAA!

NO MEANS NO... OR

NO MEANS NO. So say people who champion anti Rape campaigns. That includes me. I have to put that right in the front first so no smart genie begins to start terming me pro rape. I hate rape and think removing the device would reduce future occurrence permanently.

Anyway, that's a matter for another day.

As a guy, who has been about town, expectedly, I have been told NO with such emphasis on the word as if I was offering a bribe to Pastor Enoch Adeboye. In most cases, it was either the girl was taken ( already had a bobo), knew I had nothing to offer her ( babes who had their eyes on ready made guys), wasn't her type ( whatever!) or just plain and simple... Did not want a relationship. So she says NO. After trying a little more new lines and she still insists her answer will not change, most guys, including yours truly... Move on.

YEAH RIGHT!

Very often you hear something that either makes you jump to your own defence or just plain raving mad. And once it becomes clear that the person who said that "something" misjudged you or was, to state it clearly, totally wrong, s/he quickly says "I was just joking with you" or "I was kidding" "I was pulling your leg"... "you take things too serious" Yeah right! Tell me when to laugh.

More often than not, if you had failed to defend yourself, it would have become the truth and used as reference in future mentions. Preceded by, "when he was told that day, if it was a lie would he not have said so?" So now you know that Silence is not the best answer for a fool. The joke is on you. Ignore those subtle attack on your integrity at your own peril. No one can defend you better than you can, unless of course you are guilty as charged.