One Lagos Fiesta

One Lagos Fiesta

Saturday, 30 June 2012

HAND SIGNALS (part 1/2)

Ever wondered why hand made items attract more in the area of cost than machine fabricated products? Have you? You haven't. Sorry. I have. And its not just the price that makes such hand made products so expensive. Amongst many other things, it's because of the personal touch, the time put in and painstaking effort that went into making whatever the product is. Besides cost, method and process of production, the bragging rights of a hand made product is pairless.

The whole world was made by the Holy hands of Almighty God. As reported in the story of creation. And even an atheist will say what a beautiful world we have. Even if he disagrees on the author. Nevertheless, the Hand of God, that made this world is different from that hand of god Maradona scored with during that WORLD CUP back then. That was the hand of fraud... Maybe, just maybe, he actually, said hand of fraud. You know Maradona's English Language is suspect. And the journalists reported it like it sounded. And when he heard it reported as the hand of God, the akamu just lapped it up. Who won't? Especially to someone like him.

Wait a minute o, did I hear that Farouk Lawal said he sees the hand of God in the Petroleum Subsidy bribery scandal? Some people no dey fear sha. Can any of these politician try that kind of lie with Aiyelala, SANGO or Amadioha... If his neck will not bend to one side like a car with a bad chassis? God is all forgiving o!

Politicians, particularly those elected, not the selected ones, have a way of claiming they saw the hand of God in an election they clearly rigged. Can't that be counted as blasphemy. Ok let's say first degree blasphemy. Because, it's gone beyond lying since it has deprived the right person his or her mandate. Funny thing is most of those whole claim this fraudulent hand of God in their victories end getting caught up with their hands in the public till. Which explians why some end up with handcuffs soon after they handover the instrument of the states they have manhandled. The northerners, I must agree, have a better way of dealing with people with sticky fingers. Yes! Those ten digits attached to the palm. Which is why one does not know whether the Northern governors have an alliance or treaty that ships the de-handed citizens of their states to Lagos to beg for handouts!

I would be the first to admit that not all the northern governors, or in deed any governor or politician for that matter, have sticky hands. Some have aradite hands. Once they lay their hands on power, they never want anyone else to touch it. They make sure all hands are on deck to ensure they get the second term or another political office in the case of those who have completed the two terms handed them by the constitution. In recent times, though they have only but tried, attempts have been made to lay their filthy hands on the third term the constitution clearly says otiooooo to... As fate would have it, all hands that tried got burnt. Now that's the HAND OF GOD!

On the other hand, people who have tried and gotten away with turning back the hands of time and used their blood stained hands to cover their eyes from seeing the pains people suffered in the hands of foot soldiers who do their biddings. In the end, when they refuse to handover to a democratically elected government of the people and fail to see the handwriting on the wall, they end up being dealt with by the hands of the Almighty God. Abacha, Ghadaffi, Mubarak, Charles Taylor... No need to go into how God handed them their fate in his own time. Isi owo OLUWA niyen.

Come to think of it, must every politician who elected by the hand of the people or by the handle of a gun end up being caught with their hands in the public purse? Can't they just serve and leave there with clean hands? I know a handful who did just that (not stain their hands) and I can count such people on the fingers on my hands. Very few! Trust me, when it comes to dipping hands into the public coffers, some politicians become ambidextrous. They chop it with double hands.

Shameful as it may sound, some politicians and rich people whose destinies have been lifted by the hands of God, lose focus and become pedophiles. How else would you explain the craving of a grown man, old enough to be a grand father, or even old enough to give a little girl's hand out in marriage when she comes to a marriageable age, now being the one asking for the hand of an under 11 in marriage? Is that not falling of hand? MSCHEEEEW!

While the wealth of the nation is in the hands of a few, it's sad to see people still living from hand to mouth. Or surviving on handouts called salaries while bribery goes on from hand to hand amongst the people we handed our communal purse to handle. Some of the politicians are paid so much, compared to those who really do the hard work... Its daylight robbery. And when these same electorate shout out, their shouts are drowned by their paid hands who are experts at explaining away all the underhand practices or just with the wave of a hand. Sadly, and this is what beats my reasoning hands down, next elections the same people will come and handout peanuts to a handful and get a chance to deep their hands again into the public pool. The real people who want to serve the people get beaten hands down at the polls because they have nothing to put in the hands of the voters who have now become "money for hand back for ground" electorate.

Even when I ply my handwork as an MC and have to introduce politicians or public servants, I cut the crap and go straight to their names and office. I'm usually not in the mood to hand out any praise as if Im unaware of the poor services they are delivering with the ticket to serve we handed them. Dont get me wrong o, those deserving know I will say so. And when I say "Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for so so and so..." He may be undeserving of it, but my event may not the platform to discuss their score card. The matter at hand is the show and when it comes to the show... I'm hands on. All hands are on deck to make sure the show is a success. No diggidy. Don't even go into the morality of "so why do it?". The newspapers, television, radio, event centres etc provide a service. So don't hold no moral high ground with me. I have not heard a newspaper house or media outfit say, "No we can't take that!" But I must hand it to fearless columnists SHA

There are some politicians and those in government, though few, who have proven themselves worthy of praise and whose hand work and reputation speak for. Anytime these select few attend events, an MC often doesnt need to ask the audience to put their hands together, automatically every bodies' hands goes up... And they stay there... And they stay there... These select group are those some other upright people still look up to when they say all is not lost. And we must hand it to these few. It's not easy keeping your respect and achievements in tact when swimming with sharks. Trust me. There are sharks out there in the political ocean. A lot of whom you once in a while come close to giving the middle finger or just a bottombelle waka! But then again, when you see them at events or public places, you still bring out your hand and shake them in spite of all.

However, before you finish reading this piece and think that it is all about politicians and go off thinking Ali Baba must really be miffed about some of these politicians. Let me just tell you, I am. So yes, I said it. Bet some who can read are reading it now. Those who get upset at this piece are exactly those my hand is pointing at. I'm not pointing a finger. I am pointing all digits so no one tries that get out of jail card that the guilty dangle always... If you point a finger, all other fingers point back at you crap. All ten fingers at the X spot!

I will be the first to agree that my hand has been heavy on the politicians... So I will let them be for now. Just for now. But not without pointing out that, I am yet to see a pastor lay hands to cure the spirit of greed, bribery, corruption and maladministration.
Or is it only fornication, adultery, lies, lust and backsliding that are sins before God? What about stealing, corruption, bribery, political lies, Aristole activities, low quality and non completed of contracts, political killings, election rigging... When are we going to see altar calls by pastors in these regards? Call them out. Or are politicians exempted from altar calls. How many sermons are directed at these influential people? Na commoners only some pastors mouth DEY sharp. Abegi!

In any case, it's important to know this piece may be heavy and that you don't look at it as too long. Rather see it as something you have been dying to say and I just lent you a helping hand. So breathe iiiinnnnnnnnnn.... Out!

Would have said more... But my hands are tied up with work.

So this is where I drop the pen and hands up!


  1. Hands...hands...hands...hands....all i could see is hands!! Well done! Fantastic post! Waiting for the second part o!

  2. I hope d PA abi SA dat contacted you after the "desorbed" piece has contacted you again?.. Lol!!

  3. Beautiful honest piece sir. Something else i noticed is how their mouths are coated with all chocolate. It is my prayer that what happens to the teeth that has seen too much chocolate will be their portion!! And i pray 4 myself n all good youths in Nigeria never to fall a 'victim' of 'power'

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  5. Bros,

    I appreciate your write-up. It is well directed and thought provoking. Two men of God stand-out against these politicians regardless their position in power, they are: Rev. Akinolu and Pastor Tunde Bakare.

    I guess all other men of God need to preach sincere sermons when the politicians are around like the prophets in the bible did against the kings when they err against the ways of God and doing things right.

  6. You are a very brilliant man! Love your adept use of pun

  7. This is not a Blog, it's a Flog. Thanks...this is just what we need if we continue to behave like animals. We don't need MEN of God anymore we need SERVANTS of God! #Salt on Trial

  8. Ah! My God, my hands are up. I am stil thinking about the right adjective in life to qualify this piece, still lost in thoughts. Well done sir.

  9. An excellent write up. I have never read a better written article. I must hand it to you, but you fall your hands small with a few errors in spelling and grammar. I believe it's just a slip of hand, so I won't put a stick in some people's hands to beat you with by pointing them out.
    I think you should also include those who clap hands for these politicians or join hands with them to mishandle the treasury. Some just cover their mouth with their hands while the polithiefians dip their hands in the public purse. Even those who accept handouts in exchange for their votes and justify this with the saying " a bird in hand is worth ...", should not be spared.
    I must warn you beforehand, those who in the past spoke against these sticky handed politicians and their underhand practices either had their hands(not just their palms) greased in exchange for silence, or were manhandled by heavy-handed thugs. So be prepared to get your hands waxed or burnt. I know it's your handwork, but there's nothing like comic immunity here in Naija.
    Once again, in the strongest possible term, I commend your article.