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One Lagos Fiesta

One Lagos Fiesta

Saturday 16 June 2012

WAFFI THINGS 2

I called a shildhood friend, (not the presenter on SuperSport another shildhood friend) who lives in Warri to ask after a common friend of ours, Osogono, and asked "if he dey the ground?" (if he was in town).

Shildhood Friend: Shuo! You no aware? (You mean u didn't hear?)

Me: Wetin? Wetin? Osogono don late? (Did he die?)

Shildhood Friend: Abeg clear! Na so person dey quick die? Na fawol?

ME: Oya no vex. Detail me the gist?

Shildhood Friend: Not to hin. (As I was saying) No be Sogogbish (Osogono's guy name... Ok, his nickname) dey do first to die with one kpomushele for Bendel Estate...


ME: I dey hear. (I'm listening)

Shildhood Friend: Not to small thing o. No do no do, na so Sogogbish preg the babe.

ME: How that one come be new edition? (Is that a new thing?)

Shildhood Friend: I go quench the gist if u shook mouth put again o!

ME: No vex. Dey relate the gist.

Shildhood Friend: Last month na hin yawa gas o! All this while wey Sogogbish dey comb the babe, our guy no fit decode say she... The babe... Na second verse for one Rear Admiral Anthem!

ME: YAWA!

Shildhood Friend: Na so I dey toilet dey kaka for Sogogbish bink (fine house better than bunk). I just hear Gboaaa!!! 5 naval guys just matching matching the door. Before I say make I clean kaka... Gbooaaah again!! Them don enter Sogogbish room.

ME: Where Sogogbish come dey?

Shildhood Friend: Aliiiiiii, (he started crying) if you see the beat them beat me? Me wey I no see the babe kpekus... If u see the kpokporing. I for no kuku clean yansh na... I kaka for body na!

ME: Wia Sogo..?

Shildhood Friend: Sogogbish dislink through ceiling. And I warn am... (More tears) I warn am say this Admiral babe wey you dey RETWEET anyhow...

That was where I lost it. I had to laugh

32 comments:

  1. LMAO!!! LWKMD!!! «««LAUGH:D=))DON =))PING ME FINISH=)) =D FOR=)) =DHERE =D =)) »»». Cheiii... Bros na like dis u weeked reeesh??? See as laff wan do me mass destruction for bodi! But wait oh...bros no too vex, how person dey take RETWEET babe?

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  2. I almost died laughing! Bro u are da Bomb.

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  3. Hillarious...lovely blog...me likey

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  4. Bros!!!!!!!!!! U don nearly kee me here o!!!!!!!!!! Thumbs up chairman!!!!!!!!

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  5. Hahahahahaha! *wiping hot tears* The slangs here na super!
    I kept reloading for a quick laughter fix!!

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  6. Sir, you are very wicked. Kindly place a warning on your blog. Something like "Do not read at work" " Do not read where uncontrollable laughter will not be tolerated" "Beware, reader may be mistaken for insane person due to prolonged laughter"

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    1. infact ehn! thats it o! laughing so hard here and the oyinbo in the next cubicle is already thinking that perhaps, this african girl is crazy for sure!

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  7. We gon laugh na, that's y we have you, lmfao....

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  8. I'm actually crying from laughter. My belly hurts

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  9. Just reminded me of SOZA BOY by Ken Saro Wiwa, "A novel in rotten English." You should read it if you haven't. Hilarious!

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  10. Hahahaha...LWKMD..reading dis is an instant stress reliever.

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  11. I was complaining of insomnia before I read this but you have managed to add headache and hiccups to it!!! I have laughed soooo hard my head is pounding.I have woken my kids up oh!!!!Wahala

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  12. I concur wiv d second "anonymous"... there should be a warning "dont read in the office" or "hilarious content". just opened d blog in d office this morning. didn't know when i laughed out loud.

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  13. I absolutely agree with the "Do Not Read At Work" warning, now everyone's staring at me in disbelief. As in," what's his problem na"?

    Bros, you are the stress reliever. Whoever's not been hear is on a long thing.

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  14. Wicked, clearly wicked laffta. Bros, kaka hold me after I read dis ya blog

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  15. No O Sogbo must collect him beatin o, the hart wey he carry dey comb Admiral babe I nor gree o, kai dat guy wey dem beat sha.... Nice Piece Okpako.

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  16. lolzzz...e be like say i go stop to dey retweet soldier babes o, me wey dey live inside barracks so??

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  17. Laff wan turn my brazillian to Dada.
    Ali don put me for trouble oh, i dey office meeting dey sneak read this thing, na hin i come bust laff. Now my boss says i should see him to answer some questions. :( Shuo!!!!!!!!!!!
    Permission to share (all recognition duly noted)

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  18. Masturbating on floor laughing

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  19. I'm reeling in laughter@ds admiral babe wey u dey retweet...lwtmb o...Ali baba no go kee person wth laughter...if u no aware make u aware now o sey Ali baba wan officially kee person with laughter!!

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  20. GodfreyPlugless19 June 2012 at 04:04

    Bros !!! Shooooo... I nor know say to dey RETWEET dey preg babe oh.lmaooooo.looool. Y una guy go dey read Admiral 2nd verse anthem na...loool. Gosh ! Tuale baba.

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  21. wowwww!!!!!...reading this in the office...everyone thinks iv gone psycho...lmao!...hahahahahahaha...nice one Ali

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  22. Okoh! nbdy fit price am, u b original warri comedian, shuo........... power leave me 4 ur level o, c as u wan kpuf bredren wit laff, all my belle don dey pain me, n u no dey d ground steady o, but ur waffi langua ehn, na PAN! e clear say u b d ril king of comedy. infact i hail u Bros, nbdy fit wan ur barak 4 wher i dey, who try am go chop e eye. nay wan.

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  23. Ali Baba an confirmed mad man. I have read this more than 30 times and I keep embarrassing myself with laughter at home and in the office. My people think I'm not normal. Ali Baba must replace Ebele.

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  24. Ayaf died of lafta. Retweeting nor be small

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  25. so na ur shildhood friend com chop sogogbish suffer? eyah!

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  26. U be the real waffi boy (sorry man), although na for Waffi 60 years old man dey claim youth oo so that e fit get share from deve.. but I nor understand one of the lines, abeg wetin kpekus mean? #God's Son

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  27. Hhahahahaha! I don DIE!!!! I think say I sabi waffi finish just cuz I grow up for Army Cantonment sha. Darn! Nice 1

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  28. Baba when i become President youre automatically the VP Cos yawa no fit gas if you dey my side!!!

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