I called a shildhood friend, (not the presenter on SuperSport another shildhood friend) who lives in Warri to ask after a common friend of ours, Osogono, and asked "if he dey the ground?" (if he was in town).
Shildhood Friend: Shuo! You no aware? (You mean u didn't hear?)
Me: Wetin? Wetin? Osogono don late? (Did he die?)
Shildhood Friend: Abeg clear! Na so person dey quick die? Na fawol?
ME: Oya no vex. Detail me the gist?
Shildhood Friend: Not to hin. (As I was saying) No be Sogogbish (Osogono's guy name... Ok, his nickname) dey do first to die with one kpomushele for Bendel Estate...
ME: I dey hear. (I'm listening)
Shildhood Friend: Not to small thing o. No do no do, na so Sogogbish preg the babe.
ME: How that one come be new edition? (Is that a new thing?)
Shildhood Friend: I go quench the gist if u shook mouth put again o!
ME: No vex. Dey relate the gist.
Shildhood Friend: Last month na hin yawa gas o! All this while wey Sogogbish dey comb the babe, our guy no fit decode say she... The babe... Na second verse for one Rear Admiral Anthem!
Shildhood Friend: Na so I dey toilet dey kaka for Sogogbish bink (fine house better than bunk). I just hear Gboaaa!!! 5 naval guys just matching matching the door. Before I say make I clean kaka... Gbooaaah again!! Them don enter Sogogbish room.
ME: Where Sogogbish come dey?
Shildhood Friend: Aliiiiiii, (he started crying) if you see the beat them beat me? Me wey I no see the babe kpekus... If u see the kpokporing. I for no kuku clean yansh na... I kaka for body na!
ME: Wia Sogo..?
Shildhood Friend: Sogogbish dislink through ceiling. And I warn am... (More tears) I warn am say this Admiral babe wey you dey RETWEET anyhow...
That was where I lost it. I had to laugh