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Pello Nine-Jay-reeans,
This morning, THE JOINT MILITARY RESTORATION COUNCIL took oba the government up zee qwan three .
Ze situation in ze qwan three eye gwuatting out up Quantrol
Quan-see-queently we harp day-sided to take oba to aboyeed any prada dexteriorashan.
We qwan not jazz sit their and wash our qwan-three see-carter beepor our highs.
We harp upsaaabed with care-pull seriousness how the wealth of zee nashan have been stolen korokoro without anything dan.
We harp seen fee full who had no frofer ezuqwashan harp taken oba zee management up ou resources and teeep all zee money.
Zee Saab-see-dee frobe has powder justeepied our actions.
How qwan you qwollect money pour something I did not suffly? I no get heart?
We qwan north jazz sit down and wash our fee full killed like qwommon abunnna. HABA!
Qwaarupshan he is now zee order up zee day.
No water. No Nayfar. No security. No gwuud road. No abunnna em em em emfloyment. No justice. No sue far eagles far. No network. No em em em... Yowa! No food
How can an airline offerate without frofer check off?
How can filenty fee full die and no one was fired?
BOKO haram is killing fee full lep right and centre like it is qwamputer game
Still yet zee leaders are quarrying on like haybry thing is pine
Fee full are fissing on zee road side, when zay know it is infrofer and a porm up hindiseeflin
Qwantractor will take mobilisation pee and still yet not even start talk less to peenish zee qwantract.
Students in our tertiary abunnna are grazooating without henfloyeement
Heben zee students are not froferly trained to be henfloyed
Most of zee girls have turn zemselp to runs GEZ. Are they free faring for Olymfic?
Qwanpeenies a making filenty filenty money, billions FA and zay are not faying zee exfected tax
Armed robbery and kidnapping has beqwam a hobby.
Some simful ordinary man will teep pibe handred naira and be sentenced to hanging while so barawo big man will teeep filenty billiiian and will say it is feelee vargain. Dangiskan
Qwanseeqwently, we harp decided as pollos
The qwan steal tuition desorbed
The pederal executeeef council desorbed
PDP desorbed
Office of the first lady nationwide desorbed
National and state assembeelee desorbed
Dana air desorbed
Amnesty frogram desorbed
BOKO haram desorbed
All state governors desorbed except Lagos and Rivers State
Sue Far Eagles desorbed
We also harp decided, petrol is back to 50 naira fer litre
UNILAG is now UNILAG
All seaports, airforts, roadforts in short all forts closed.
Any folitishean that escafes we will find you and deal with you deciseebly so just stay where you are and frefare to pace the music. We hope you like Azonto and alanta... Because you have dance kurukere with our resources.
Anybody who collaborate with any folitishean to escafe will be killed
We are not joking.
We are going to start probing zee mismanagement of our resources from the time up General Muritala Mohammed. So if you know you choffed government abunnna, confessing will not work. Too late. You shall be killed. You can save us the exfences by drinking otafiafia... Because it is pinished
Inshallah We shall not fail till all the criminals that brought Nigeria to its present qwandishean are killed
Gwad beeless the Pederal Refublic of Nigeria
Gwad will furnish the fee full that we cash
Shikena!!!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... What!!!!!
It was so real, I woke up in a pool of sweat. Thanking God it was a dream. Because we do not want a military regime again.
Ali baba.. U wee no kee us wif laff dis morning oh!!! Thank God it was a dream!!!
ReplyDeleteShey na like dis e go dey be?
ReplyDeleteU use style speak ur mind there sha!God go do am 5 Nigeria
ReplyDeleteOmg,am laffin ma head off!WHAT!!!am supossd 2 b goin bck 2 sleep bt am jst rollin in lafta...9ce 1,uncle Ali! Gwad will furnish the fee full that we cash,Wallahi!bt uncle Ali-FURNISH THE FEE FULL,na praya b d@ in disguise O,he'll purnish dem well well
ReplyDeleteThe dream, I like, the message is clear, the time is nigh when as a people we'll not be able to take it no more..Alibaba can u dream some more so as to know when the dream will come true?. Nice one.
ReplyDelete''the time is nigh when as a people we'll not be able to take it no more.'' I like that.
DeleteWan der pull! Zees is just wan der pull!
ReplyDeletei qwannot beliep zat zee militiree has taken oba zee qwantree...impocicant.....thiz should remain a dream....Allah
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious that a new lingua franca is being born here!
ReplyDeleteLaff no go kill me o!bt I'm pretty sure sm foliticians can dance alanta cus must of them already av d 'ape-like' alanta structure....nice 1 baba!
ReplyDeleteAlibaba I was actuali in a state of morning due to d loss of my sister..but reading ur blog made me laff again!! God bless u!!
ReplyDeleteSome astute observations and looming threats brilliantly concealed beneath the blow-softening veil of humour. Very good work Sir.
ReplyDeleteThose of you praying for the military regime to come back,i pray you don't find what you are looking for. it's obvious you still believe it's one special person that would save Nigeria. The developed countries that you see and compare yourselves with did it collectively not just one person. The major difference between our leaders and theirs is that their leaders value people and leadership is about serving people on the other hand our leaders have little or no value for the people and leadership is principally about making themselves comfortable and rich (truth be told, they don't know how you feel or maybe i should say they have forgotten what it feels like). My point is in your own little way make a positive change in your area of influence and while you are doing that ask yourself some simple questions like do i flaunt traffic rules?, do i throw things on the road? do i have values and culture that governs my life? how do i treat little children, am i treating them like i have the future in mind?(a test question for this is if we knew a young man or woman would be leading our nation in the next 20years what are the things we would make sure we "store" in the person). Let's do it right so we would be sure our children will have a better quality of life than you and i had.
ReplyDeleteNice piece.
DeleteGood pen, food for thought. Gracias
ReplyDeleteKai, I really miss Idiagbon......
ReplyDeleteZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..... DREAM CONTINUES. TION SIR! YOU HAF SFOKEN. PELLO NINE JAY-REANS I HEREBY DECLARE OUR NEW FRESIDENT. HIS EXCELLENCY FRESIDENT ATUNYOTA ALLELUYA AKPOROBOMERERE. LONG LIVE DEE PEDERAL REFUBLIC OF NINE JAY-REA.
ReplyDeleteZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....... OOH IS IT A DREAM? LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP.
Baba AliBaba, really interesting piece. But this one you exempted Rivers State Governor?? Except you're not aware o, only recently, he signed into law that upon leaving office after serving his tenure, both him and his Deputy would continue to 'enjoy' the privileges of the office of the Governor, full salary, 2houses of choice in Abuja and anywhere in Rivers State, drivers, cook, blah blah the whole works. Well, just look up the Law-The
ReplyDeleteRivers State Governor and Deputy Governor
Pensions and Fringe Benefits Bill 2012
LORD HAVE MERCY........I CHOKED SEVERALLY ON TRYING TO READ THIS PIECE...... If this was on twitter,I'll favorite it over and over again....DAMN.... But amidst all that laughter the truth were glaring ....Nigeria needs change.....and a fast one at that....MAY GOD HELP AND BLESS NIGERIA....AMIN.
ReplyDeleteI duff my hat for you, Ali Baba. You're a true comedian without compare. All op dis fee full dat have been chopping our em...em...em... abunna anyhow since d time op Murtala Mohammed, it is high time dey danced d azonto music of d law. Shikenah!
ReplyDeleteWe dont want what ? if what you just state is what would come with the military rule then, Kai make zem kwam zee are bery welkqwan walahi tallahi....
ReplyDeleteoga Ali, fuleeze, you need to start a comedy school as soon as fossivle.
ReplyDelete