Pages

One Lagos Fiesta

One Lagos Fiesta

Thursday, 14 June 2012

THE 5Bs

In those days when, when I was single and free, (yes, free).. I  thought I was the best thing in life... and you know wwhat they say "the best thing in life are free" ? I learnt from life that it was easy to love and be loved when you define the things that made you happy. Roughly put, things that make you go hmmmmm. I defined mine, from age 17 and I never deviated from it. Ok I lied. I deviated, but was later to be further convinced that the path I had chosen suited me.

In short, I had the capacity to walk that chosen part... Blah blah blah Seriously, as a young man, I knew what tripped me about a babe. These things and a few more that I looked out for, became the mission criteria which then became THE 5 Bs. She either had those things or showed potential to have them or no deal. They were simple things but they mattered. These days, a lot of guys don't even have a spec. Any babe goes. If you wore a mop a dress some guys I know will chase it!


The 5 Bs could be available in different amounts in a babe. But whichever one she lacked or did not have much of, that then made room for compromise which then became my loveometer. I then could say, in spite of not having so and so and I still like this babe... It must be love.

I Have recently, nearly considered myself a prophet. Nearly. Because, I know guys who got their groove on from dating skinny size 6 babes... End up marrying an Orobo and sooner than later, they are back in the arms of a size 6. I always enjoyed saying "I told you". Some guys will give a girl banana till she go yo! Give her banana till she go yo! Give her banana till she go yo! Give her banana till she go yo! Give her bana... You get my drift? That is when they now suddenly realise "she is not my spec". In case you didn't get the memo, you are her spec.

The kind of guys, babes, that you should fear the most at those without specs. The anything goes kinda guy. They are like politicians. ACN today PDP tomorrow LABOUR PARTY when the earlier two don't give them what they want they begin to scope CPC. The easiest guys to manage are those who have their specs locked down. ( Even the Bible says train a child the way he should go so that when h grows he will not depart from it. Or something like that) Once you see them with the wrong spec fear not. You can worry, but fear not.

I sometimes marvel at he specs some guys have. Their specs just says "EVERY AND ANY BABE" more or less. Imagine a guy saying, I want a tall, slim and pretty babe. With some ass". Is that not 60% of the whole stock sexchange market? Oh! What of the guys who say "GIVE ME ANY LIGHT SKINNED BABE ANYTIME? In case you missed the memo, Albinos are light skinned and you can't get them anytime. Only after sunset. And that criteria will end up giving you babes with confused complexions... going by the ratio of manual yellowing going on amongst Igbo, EDO and Yoruba babes. Saw one Yoruba woman at a wedding the other day looking like Kente FOM Abeokuta! Knuckles black, face yellow, ear brown, ankles red, forehead orange... She looked like a chameleon's homework!

Now that you have gotten my drift, let me now mention my 5 Bs. Please note, these were the things I looked out for before I got married. Be guided. Don't want you reading and going, "EHEN, check! Yes, check! Uhum, check! Aha, check!... That's my guy! I want." Okay? Are were clear on that? Don't rush. Are we clear? Ok then.

1.. Belief. Any babe I wanted then must have a Supreme being that I was ok with. Didn't want to date any babe who will invite me to a service that required hold a calabash and an all black cock at 12 midnight, at place where 3 roads meet.

2. Brains. This was not just important for me in the relationship, but going forward. What if she got pregnant? I know I am not a Wole Soyinka, but why should I then water down that intelligence in my future children by tag teaming with an akamu? That's why so many olodos abound. Men who selfishly thought of themselves, now have kids who can spell "GO" talk less of "GOAT" at age 9!

3.. Beauty.. She must fine. No negotiation. No discount. I know I can't create anyone. To create is divine to "say-lait" (if you hear an iboman pronounce select you will 'gate' this) is human.

4.. Body.. This was an integral part of my search then. Did she have DD or more ? Was she a Hip-notist? Did she have body of evidence to convict me? Could she guaranty fullness of joy? ( this was in the past, just in case my pastor or my wife stumbles on this... In any case she already knows. Married her, didn't I? Like every African man... I want value for money.

5.. Behaviour... I bet this part of the criteria explains itself. Respect Is mutual, agreed. But if you have no capacity to give it, na one chance be that. Or have you not heard of ladies who give their BOBOS hot slap even in winter? Olorunmaje!

So there you have it, my 5Bs.

10 comments:

  1. Lwkm ooooo, Alibaba haf kee me, well said, 5Bs makes perfect sense, I'm female, not rushing buh I will apply!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bros I haff gate effleetin u haff say! Cineke di involved..kpom-kwem!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're too much, I actually forgot I was browsing! =D ♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª♒=D

      Delete
  3. Thumbs up! Well composed and full of hilarious facts too :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. LWKMD ******I know I am not a Wole Soyinka, but why should I then water down that intelligence in my future children by tag teaming with an akamu?*****

    ReplyDelete
  5. My own na 6B's

    ReplyDelete
  6. lmao... abegi jare you know say this one wrong "To create is divine to "say-lait" (if you hear an iboman pronounce select you will 'gate' this) is human. "

    Say-lait is definitely hausa man jare, no dey insult we igbo men jare lwkmd...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your 5B's are On point. Belief. Brains. Beauty. Body & behaviour. What should the ladies look out for in men? Can we get our own 5b's too. Just an idea of what we should look out for. Maybe 6 packs, 8 packs, pot belly. Bald hair, body odour etc. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. All on point....I was anxious your 5B's were something uncensored....I am glad it is something we can all relate with. Good job sir!

    ReplyDelete
  9. yuo had me me at brains.... who wants to have dull kids that wont rep you?

    ReplyDelete