One Lagos Fiesta

One Lagos Fiesta

Thursday, 14 June 2012


How superstitious are you? Don’t you just marvel at the logic behind some of these crazy thoughts? Some of them range from the amusing through the absurd and down right insane! They are so many but I have tried to mention as many as I can here just so you can see how crazy some people get. You will not believe the number of people who believe them too. Learned people, Leaders of thought ( makes you want to reconsider their other thoughts) scientists and academicians. People who should know.

The other day my daughter had a feat of hiccups and the pediatrician picked a thread and put it on her hair. If it were not that she had been highly recommended that would have been it. But even the recommendation is under investigation even now.

How do you conclude from an itchy palm that you are set to become rich? How? I will advice you to either scratch your palm and keep quiet or look for some lottery tickets and scratch. So that e fit be you! Otherwise hog wash. They also say, If the bottom of your feet itches, you will make a trip. Just wait a minute everyone, since when did your unhygienic style become a visa to travel. Change your socks, air your shoe and pls pls get a pedicure… wetin sef?

Check this one out. If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck. Really? So if Mitchell Obama had told President Obama, that as she woke up that morning of the 20th of January, 2009, that she saw a cat crossing her path and as such he should not go to the inauguration and oath taking… he would have said because of that damned cat NOW WE CANT? I bet he would have called Condelessa Rice up, “How would you like to be first lady?” “Do you like cats?” Maybe Halle Berry would be a good replacement. She is even Feline. Black cat my foot. Is the Obama not a cat himself? With 12 lives.

I even heard that before slicing a new loaf of bread, make the sign of the cross on it or else who ever eats it will have bad luck. Agege bread here we come! The only religious act this type of bread demands is grace before meals.

If someone is sweeping the floor and sweeps over your feet, you'll never get married. In that case go the way of a nun or priest and stop crowding up the space and giving people false hope. The die is cast. This sweeping effect also goes on to say to prevent an unwelcome guest from returning, sweep out the room they stayed in immediately after they leave. This did not work with my landlord… in fact, he was back asking for his rent two weeks later.

It's bad luck to leave a house through a different door than the one used to come into it. You apparently have neither been chased by a dog nor by a man from Modakeke with a cutlass. Every opening is an exit. When it happens it will come to you. Just pray there are no burglar proofs.

If your right ear itches, someone is speaking well of you. If your left ear itches, someone is speaking ill of you. This is a matter of personal hygiene. Remove was from your ears and the itching will stop. Maybe the topic some one is raising about you is how dirty your ear is.

It is unlucky to cut fingernails on a Friday or Sunday. If a woman cuts the nails of her right hand with her left hand she will have the upper hand in marriage. Fingernail cuttings should be saved, burned, or buried. Ehen? How many salons will be out of work? “Aunty you want to do your nails?”

Until I ran into this one “You should never start a trip on Friday or you will meet misfortune” I never knew why there were so many broken down luxury buses on the Lagos/Benin expressway (literarily speaking that is nothing about this stretch expresses anything).

A person who dies on Good Friday will go right to heaven. Even the man that dies on top another mans wife? Or are the sub sections to this heavenly gate pass?

Pulling out a gray or white hair will cause ten more to grow in its place. I knew you can not be so intelligent that you will not have even one moment of foolishness. Wole Soyinka… you shouldn’t have. Stop it henceforth. Oops its too late. Live with it.

An onion cut in half and placed under the bed of a sick person will draw off fever and poisons. Is this NAFDAC approved?

If you use the same pencil to take a test that you used for studying for the test, the pencil will remember the answers. You are telling me now after I sat for JAMB twice. Thanks but no thanks. Just for the record, which pencils have these powers. HB or 2B?

If 3 people are photographed together, the one in the middle will die first. Be warned!

Salty soup is a sign that the cook is in love. You must be kidding me.. Not that he will be fired? What kind of tongue did the person who thought this up have? Why should I suffer for someone else’s emotional pleasure?

THIS PART NEEDS TO BE TYPED IN CAPITAL LETTERS. THAT IF YOU CROSS OVER A PREGNANT WOMAN’S FEET HER UNBORN CHILD WILL LOOK LIKE YOU. I know of a wife, in Port Harcourt, impregnated from an escapade and to hide her shame positioned herself in a way that her husband, an Ikwere man, would cross over her legs, so this superstition will be fulfilled. The child came out like TOM CRUISE. Not even like Obama. At least Eddie Murphy would have needed some explaining, but Oyibo? Haba!

Those who refuse things given to them with the left hand want to tell me that the day someone dashes them a check of N5million, they will reject it because it was handed to them with a left hand? Or that they will not eat because the person who cooked the food is a south paw? Obama, Clinton and a few others that I know are left handed... I will take the cheque even if it given to me with a leprous left hand. Why drive on the left side then? Do you know how many people stammer today because they were forced to stop using their left hand? O sadly gan.

Place a hand in front of your mouth when sneezing. Your soul may escape otherwise. The devil can enter your body when you sneeze. Having someone say, "God bless you," drives the devil away. Whatever. What kind of soul escapes from your mouth? Except you have been eating garlic. Garlic protects from evil spirits and vampires. Yeah right! We all know if humans cant stand the smell of garlic, every opportunity counts? The more you sneeze the more they will escape.

Talking of escaping, it is said that all windows should be opened at the moment of death so that the soul can leave. How does this work? As you start dying, just before you totally die you run open the window an click finish? Yeah right! If I get up to that window I’m jumping out and never coming back.

Clothes worn inside out will bring good luck. It has always been unlucky to hook or button up any item of clothing wrongly (start all over again if you do); just as you should never put your left arm, leg or foot into anything first. Indeed. You either don’t have a mirror, broken by you, and this is one of those bad luck. You need to also stop drinking right away.

To drop a spoon means a child will visit… All spoons from Michael Jackson’s NEVERLAND should not be allowed to land on the floor.. In fact I propose he eats with his ten fingers henceforth… or even for his tea, give him forks (no pun intended)

To make a happy marriage, the bride must wear: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue… hehehe. I think to make a marriage happy, the bride should not wear anything at all. Come as you came. Birthday suits.. Happy happy

The wedding veil protects the bride from the evil eye… No it doesn’t.. Do you know how many evil eyes are in a church during a wedding. Those who were eliminated in the quarter finals and the semi finalists. The losers in the finals may end up objecting sef… Is there anyone here who…? “I object.. I object… no need to finish it… let us save time… it should have been me!”

You must get out of bed on the same side you got in on or you will have bad luck… that easy for some. If one side of your bed is wedged to the wall unless you go through the wall there is one side to your luck. On the other hand, if you can go through the wall you don’t need luck…good or bad. You need to visit the nearest bank vault! You lucky bastard! There are some whose luck may have run out from the kind of spouse they married. If your spouse is quite a heap when they lay down to sleep, you may have to climb over to come out of bed from the way you went in. Don’t even think you will get around it by having your spouse get into bed first. What happens when all of him or her wants to take a lick? Roll over you? That’s the beginning of bad luck if you ask me.

To give someone a purse or wallet without money in it will bring that person bad luck.. You are kidding me… now I know where the whole wahala started from. All the empty wallets all my ex-es gave me. Henceforth, all wallets sent to me as a gift must be loaded or else no deal

Who started the crap about 13 being a bad number? Do you know some planes don’t have seat number 13? What will happen to you if after sugery, you are wheeled into RM 13 to recover? Will you die? Will you turn down a N13million gift? Or return N1million just to be on the safe side? What if your house becomes No 13 when the street numbers were re allocated? Will you move? Do people celebrate 13th birthdays?

Let me just make some random comments on some that you may be familiar with….

Putting your hat on back to front will result in a bad day; a woman who puts on a man's hat is giving a sign that she wants to be kissed (In America) I hope 50 Cent and Jay Z know this.

If you are given a present of a knife, give a coin in return to avoid 'cutting' the friendship. Maybe that was the coin that Atiku was returning to Obasanjo when he visited him recently. Just maybe.

You sleep best with your head to the north and your feet to the south. Fa fa fa foul. I sleep much better on maternal glands. That’s all I am saying. North, South, West, Middle-East…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I mentioned the one about how whistling in the night can attract snakesand she whistled herself to sleep. If only you know how scared of snakes she is.

Washing a car will bring rain. Even in the droughts of Dafur? You should be jailed for washing a car sef!

The larger the ear lobes, the greater the intellect. This may be one point that I am beginning to buy into. Have you seen President Obama’s ears? What of that of Tony Elumelu, the GMD of UBA? Like satellite dishes. Not the one missing in space.

The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the number of children you will have. I just counted 14, Mary my darling 9 to go!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away… you go just die for nothing, no go look for doctor.

To break a mirror will bring you seven years bad luck. Did Nigeria as a country break 40 mirrors? Because, I no understand again o!


  1. Master i greet u, shou! U no ear Say ñaija break pass 40 mirrors? *******guest from returning, sweep out the room they stayed in immediately after they leave. This did not work with my landlord…

  2. lmao @ "To drop a spoon means a child will visit… All spoons from Michael Jackson’s NEVERLAND should not be allowed to land on the floor" Oh boy make them just kukuma displace all the spoons way dey the house

  3. Well, I guess the paediatrician only tried to pit your daughter at ease. An abnormal belief we Doctors deal with is the act of putting a person's feet in flames if he or she has a convulsion. What about giving tribal marks to ward off illnesses?

  4. Dis man wan kill me ooo.. I have bin laffin like a fool since 4:30am.. Hubby sleeps like a heap so am thinking I have 2 jump over him 2 get out of bed d way I got in.. Or maybe I shud just get my own bed... Abeg make una live me oooo..I was given a very painful tribal mark as a toddler(@ my back) so I could stop seeing scary stuff..parents said dat was wen I even began 2 see d stuff. Lol had 2 be taken 2 church....Ebere00

  5. "I just counted 14, Mary my darling 9 to go". Just imagining what will be going through Mrs Alibaba's mind, "IF I HEAR 14 noni, baby making machine ni".

    I need to double the walls round my room and put thick rugs on the wall, as I kept getting knocks on my door to confirm if I'm still within the realm of sanity.