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One Lagos Fiesta

One Lagos Fiesta

Friday, 15 June 2012

MY TEN CENTS ON TIGHTS

Certain things are not meant for every one. If you look like LUTHER VANDROSS of blessed memory, then 100 meters is not your thing. Whether it makes you feel good or "I just like it" holds no water. And if you are a plus size lady, for want of a better example lets say Monique, the award winning American comedienne, what are you thinking buying a form for the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN NIGERIA? Maka-why?!!! Next thing, a guy looking like RICK ROSS will want to be MR NIGERIA. I know you are already thinking, why are all the examples foreigners? Because we are too much of a sensitive people in Nigeria. We hold on to issues like a tug-of-war. If I mention a Nigerian name now, some tatafos will quickly "cc" them, and sit back to watch the quarrel unfold. Like they do on Twitter. NAAAA. I am playing safe.

Now still on the matter. What is not for you is not for you. Don't push it. Don't force it. Period.


If you have a navel that shoots out from your tommy like an overfed ego or like an Abuja mango, chances are... Forget chances! Don't wear at tight fitting T-Shirt. No matter the cost of the T-Shirt or who the designer is. Same thing goes for people who look like their water will soon break. HABA! Didn't your conscience whisper it to you before you left home that you were not looking good? It did not. Look for another conscience. Change the password to your conscience. Your conscience has been been hacked! Same thing applies to anyone who wears anything tight and half the time the fabric has to be pulled down. Can't blame the fabric. It's trying to expose you by pulling itself off you. Bet the tight outfit is going 'I was not made for your size! Fashion Police, HELP!!!'

By now, you will have figured I like looking at full figured ladies in a tight fitting outfit. The sight just makes a part of you warm up to the verge of lust. But doesn't crossover. To be honest, it does sometimes SHA. Bear in mind that the effective words are FULL FIGURED, where 'Figured' represents the shape. Figure 8, for instance, starts from the shoulder thins out by the waist and opens up to end where the legs start. Now tight fitting clothes on such a person, as I just described will make sense. An OAP fits this description here in Nigeria, but cant mention her name before you people use me as a tool for rumour. Get my drift?... But what do we have these days? Ladies whose figure 8 end before it gets to the waist wearing tights. What ever happened to boubous?

Before some LEPA, starts to think this piece is pro them... Go put on some weight! Saw one wearing a tight outfit the other day, I could count her ribs. But she was healthy though.. Because I could see her heart pumping. When you are skinny or bonga bonga, like they say in Warri, don't wear tight pants especially if it's that time of the month. Dr Brown is unforgiving. Walking around like you got hernia. If you must, wear a big T-Shirt. VPL, VISIBLE PANTY LINE, was rolled back before thy started rolling back malaria. Don't roll it back in. Oh! Sorry, didn't notice. So you were wearing boxers. TMI already.

Some clothes are so tight these days, one can see the contour of the tattoos and even the stretch marks through the fabric. I know you know what I am talking about. Those body hugging things that show your bottom belle and what you had for breakfast!

Don't no one judge me. I have eyes and they see. If you wear it I will see it. That I decide to look, glance, stare, gaze or ogle depends on what you feed my eyes. If you are naturally a DD cup but decide to wear a C or D cup bra that is giving your mammary glands an ejection notice, why blame me? I think you should be happy, you plan to get them noticed worked. I'm trying not to go Spartacus on you guys, but, cant help it. If you know you have a RAPID RESPONSE nipples, why wear tight outfits that give your thoughts or state of mind away? Same goes for some men. Next time you think of wearing such clothes think well an NIP it in the bud. Instead of wearing it and having to cover it up with arms across your chest till the storm is over.

I will not say names, but, ladies dont you feel molested whe a guy wears tight pants and all his business is squashed to one side? Come to think of it, let me ask, is it that some of you like it? I know I can't wear it. I can't. Don't trust my thoughts that well. Yes. I can not say what I might run into or see. Better safe.

At this point let me talk about something that people do that doesn't sit well with me. A guy knows his shirt size is 17.5 that's XL. But he has this lovely shirt that is hanging in the wardrobe that he bought whe he was approaching 17. He decides to wear it for old time sake. Nice shirt. Problem is, there is a Farouk and Otedola battle going on with the buttons and button holes. The button holes are trying to hold on but the buttons want to call it a day. Now the guy is walking around with a peekaboo shirt that shows his ties with his mother.

Guys!Guys!Guys!... There is hardly a size of T-Sirt you will not get in a Polo shop. All these wearing of a size or 2 smaller than your actual size ain't werkking for me. Especially when you are the type that can not see your buckle. Nobody wants to see that overlapping stomach of yours. We are not saying get a six pack, just manage your Jurassic pack well.

And in case there are tatafos here, tell Iyanya, show off! Let him give me 1 year, he will be surprised at my own 8 packs. Mscheeeew!

I might have to stop writing SEF... The boxers I'm wearing are a little uncomfortable

16 comments:

  1. Lol at "change the password to your conscience" and "manage you Jurassic pack"...
    True talk though. some pple just don't know when to quit. Once you've outgrown a dress, buy a new one in ur current size and work at while working at getting back to ur old size! (my 2kobo)

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  2. Baba...... I don laff die 4 here..... Well composed wit a very high sense-of-humour ..... Of Course na u na

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  3. L(OL)ovely piece Sir....(Y).

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  4. hAHAHAH... Laugh don kee me die... this one no be say the laff wan kill me... the deed has been done.

    "Change the password to your conscience" ... hahaha abeg I no fit laugh again

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  5. I can`t wait to see you show off your 6 jurassic park. Lol!

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  6. lmao...big bros sef...i'm seriously enjoyin ur blog..u r on point jor!

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  7. LMFAO! "Look for another conscience. Change the password to your conscience. Your conscience has been been hacked!" So funny..still laughing.

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  8. ok so now i'm stuck on your blog....gosh! you are mighty hilarious...you deliver a very serious message in the most unserious manner..love it.am grinning from ear to ear and i know i'lld carry this look thru out the day.....i'lld be laughing out loud every ten to twenty minutes...hehehehe.

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  9. hilarious...very good piece...and beefing iyanya right?..hmmmm....lol....

    Nice work Ali

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  10. Kai. Can't stop Reading & laughingg. Baba which one is rapid response nipples, guys whose business is packed to one side & those who should change the password of their conscience cos their conscience has been hacked? Baba, u too much. I can't fit raff. Infact I migwo & tuuuuuaaaale for u.

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  11. Ha ha ha ha!!!!!! Im still laughing! Ali....mind yaself shaa! What has Conscience got to do with it!?..
    Quote: "..Forget chances! Don't wear a tight fitting T-Shirt. No matter the cost of the T-Shirt or who the designer is. Same thing goes for people who look like their water will soon break. HABA! Didn't your conscience whisper it to you before you left home that you were not looking good? It did not. Look for another conscience. Change the password to your conscience. Your conscience has been been hacked!

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  12. Bros you re the Bomb

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  13. True bros@iyanya,serious show off

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  14. Hilarious piece...can't stop laffin plus d fact dat u'r so on point..if only those that are guilty will get 2 read dis and change dia consience..

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  15. This is great. Ali Baba keeps proving he is knowledgeable and versatile.

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